tl;dr - This is a post about why I gave up ownership of the Underground Artist Bunker and have subsequently ended all my endeavors on Newgrounds.
I've told a few people about this and I've talked about it a few times on the BBS, but I never made an "official statement" regarding why I gave up ownership of the Underground Artist Bunker server.
For those who have no idea what this is, you can leave. If you're still here, basically I made a Discord server where all the small artists of NG could congregate and share their art/advice/whatever else with each other, in a fun safe environment, if you will. It was based off this thread, which I made way back in January last year:
https://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/1463308/1
It was also in January that I created the server, and for about nine months or so I oversaw it. Then in October I gave ownership over to @DesertSage, and then I left the place without any real explanation. So now I will give it.
I just got really fed up with my time spent on Newgrounds and with the NG community in general. I'm not laying the blame on anyone, I'm not victimizing myself. Truth be told, I came to realise that I was truly wasting my time on this website, trying to be someone I wasn't, trying to fit in and make a sort of """career""" by riding off the success of others, whether through my fanzine or my podcast or anything else. I had no real personality or creative vision of my own to offer anyone; at least nothing that would get any attention here on NG.
Newgrounds nowadays just feels like a hallow shell of something I can't describe. It's not very active - even with the new influx of people - and in general it just doesn't feel like a place where you can grow much of a following. You won't ever "get noticed" by any larger groups or people on Newgrounds; you get some miniscule recognition by whatever community there is here and that's about it. You can't grow much of anything on here at all. Once upon a time you could, but now there's a website for everything Newgrounds is trying to be, and those are the places people have flocked to. And in a way, that's what I was trying to do too; be something people would want when everyone else was already doing it better than I was.
I've also grown to resent a lot of aspects of "artist culture", and the mentality a lot of people have when it comes to their art or creations and trying to grow a following. I can't really describe it, but there's just so much about it that rubs me the wrong way. I don't want to be like all these people or try to represent them. I wish I could describe it better but I can't. So much about all of this just feels so off.
I just feel like I've spent way too much time trying to build my own community, just for the sake of having one. It hasn't just been NG-related stuff; this is a problem I've had for many years. It's not healthy at all and I want to rise above it. If I end up becoming successful for the stuff I make, at the cost of not having much of an online presence, that's fine by me. I'd rather my work affect actual real people than only be known online.
I've certainly been working on projects outside of NG, and I feel secure in saying that you won't ever see them on here. As I said, it's pointless trying to grow a following on here, because none of it will ever matter. If I ever do grow a real, substantial following online, it'll be elsewhere on more viable platforms; not on here.
I'm not mad at anyone who was in the server. I'm mad at myself for thinking any of you could ever be my friends. Now it's up to me to put these past 2.5 years behind me and focus on something more productive with my time. A good challenge for sure, and one that ought to be rewarding in the long run.
Pinging those for whom this post concerns:
@DesertSage, @SaucySaucepan, @WokioWolfy, @GenericAnime, @JustRigo, @Rxxou, @MellonSnow, @MatthewLemons, @OlTrout, @StickmanMarkinson, @heartcandii, @Kerriska, @NeoBlueRose, @OniDraws, @FedericoBorrelli, @HELLFIREOWO, @RikoriStorm, @EpiphetSoup, @The-Great-One
Xinxinix
"You could say something here. It might be the start of a beautiful friendship."
I'm sorry you feel that way. I've been in a rut, too, ever since reaching a real low in *real* life, but I don't think the point of anything is to gain a following.
If you truly love what you do and why you are doing it, it will come back, eventually (hopefully.) If not, then at least everything in the future will be easier to mentally manage by comparison.
Thank you for being on NGP way back when, and I wish you the best on your future endeavors, Havrylo ^^;
It definitely feels like there's a universal lull going on right now.